PREVIOUSLY on Lost…. I mean Theracian Action Hour…. Our adventurers had fought and managed to only JUST stay alive. Ivanna, the brutish half-orc barbarian dodged the true death with the aid of one of her kin, Mallus summoned all his magical strength to bring her back to the land of the living. Human. Unarmed. Naked. Not great. Pretty bloody far from ideal as far as Ivanna was concerned. She was grateful however, in her own way, to be back at all. While Ivanna contemplated her mortality and started coming to terms with her “less-than” body, Mallus and Maisey searched the deserted houses for some clothes. They were successful, so at least Ivanna could regain a shred of dignity.
They needed a rest. A LOOOOONG rest for they had truly been through the ringer. Larry the monk relished the idea of being able to ruminate on the recent past, contemplate what is to come, and meditate on his place in it all, past, present, and future. They also needed some food. Maisey the halfling bard volunteered to go hunting.
In true Maisey style, she returned with a boar, though not for food. “This,” she announced with a flourish, “ is Hamilton. He is my new companion. He. Is. Not. Food. I repeat. He. Is. NOT. Food.” Maisey produced a dead snake. “Hamilton caught this for us to eat. He’s contributing!” She began to prepare the wee serpent for consumption. She sang a sweet melody as she cooked. Hamilton swayed back and forth to the tune, clearly enamoured with his new little friend.
Mallus transforms into the Flying Mexican Death God and, with Maisey, Hamilton and Ivanna, flies back to the keep to see if they can locate any of Ivanna’s gear. They find her axe. “Someone’s chopping onions near here," Ivanna says softly as she picks up her beloved axe and turns away from her companions. Mallus (MDG) returns to the camp to pick up Larry and then they all go along for the flight, looking with shock and awe at the hundreds of footprints they are following. He sets them down and flies off to do a bit more recon. Hamilton’s ears prick up. He wiggles his snout. He can smell something and begins wandering off, following the scent. Maisey tries to follow him but trips and falls. She is unable to keep up and Hamilton runs off. Hamilton returns.
Unknowingly, he has led a group of kobolds to the group’s camp. Hamilton and Maisey’s reunion is short-lived. Hamilton spies the kobolds and rushes toward them, hoping they have food. Maisey begins a hot pursuit of Hamilton, but Ivanna grabs and restrains her. Maisey pouts and glares at Ivanna. “But, but, my piggy!!” Ivanna rolls her eyes and tightens here grip on the halfling. Mallus (MGD) returns to the camp, unbeknownst to his friends (He is invisible). He sees the kobolds and mutters to himself, “Sweet baby Groot… What have they managed to get themselves into now? I turn my back for five minutes…”
It is on. The kobolds attack Mallus. Hamilton is getting agitated. He snorts and begins pawing at the ground. A kobold attacks Hamilton but face plants. Hamilton charges at the kobold, mauling it with his tusks. Maisey attacks the same kobold. Ivanna runs in, wielding her axe. She bulrushes the kobold, knocking it over. Mallus (MDG invisible) and swoop attacks, killing the kobold easily. He continues to swoop over the melee. The kobolds attack Hamilton. He is rabid in his self-defence but ultimately fails and is killed by the kobolds. Maisey lets out a high-pitched wail. “HAMILTON!!! NOOOOOO!!!” A group of cultists, curious about all the noise, come to check things out. “Bloody useless kobolds…” one mutters. They begin to attack Ivanna. “Not on my watch!!” screams Maisey, high on adrenaline after the death of her companion. She comes to Ivanna’s defence and inflicts some serious damage. Ivanna was angry, but she is positively furious now. “AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!” Ivanna bellows as she attacks Britney McBitchface and totally slaughters her. Covered in blood, Ivanna smiles. “Finally beginning to feel like my old self again.”
Mallus stealthily approaches a kobold, attacks, fails, and retreats. He loses concentration and reverts back to his visible self. The cultists swarm around Ivanna. “Come at me bitches!!” The cultists start thrashing Ivanna in unison. They want to cause maximum damage and do. Meanwhile, the remaining kobolds retreat slightly. Maisey sets about reviving Hamilton. She begins to sing a lively, upbeat song of Healing Word for her beloved companion. Hamilton jumps up, fully resurrected. Maisey and Hamilton do a little reunion boogie. With her friend revived, Maisy turns her attention to a cultist. With renewed vigour, she attacks the cultist and knocks her down prone. With her mojo well and truly back, Ivanna attacks and cleaves and kobold AND a cultist.
Mallus flies in and attacks and kills another kobold. The kobolds try in vain to attack Mallus and Hamilton but fail miserably. Maisey decides to attack a cultist. She shoots her arrow with superb accuracy and knocks her prone. Ivanna goes on a rampage, finishing the job Maisey started. She also massacred the remaining cultists. Mallus has a go at a kobold and Hamilton backs him up, slaughtering the kobold with his sharp tusks. Maisey calls Hamilton over and gives him a boiled egg. A reward for the MVP. (Hamilton Nat 20). Maisey draws her bow and attacks the last kobold. She slays it with bardic finesse. They managed to survive AGAIN. After quick consultation, they decide to leave the temporary camp and follow the footprints….
While all this is going on, Astrea finds herself in the middle of a meeting. A really BIG meeting. Still dressed as a rogue assassin, she casts a wary eye over the assembly. She notices that Sablewrath has Ivanna’s gear. “RIP Ivanna,” she thinks to herself. She begins to reminisce about her fellow adventurers. “MaiseyPalooza. Good times. That halfling… hope she’s ok. I know how clumsy she can be. At the private party for all the rich folk, tripping over her dress and falling flat on her face… I knew I should have stayed for the whole show that night. Robbed that loser for 50 gold. 50 gold. Hardly worth it. Now I’ve got some bloody crime lord after me.” She scans the gathering for Alithea. She can’t see her but she’ll be around, somewhere. A group of soldiers from The Red Hand of Doom enter. The leader of the party bows to Sablewrath. Resmir passes a massive egg to him. “I’ve gotta get that egg and return it to the dragon,” she thinks. “Or wheedle my way into the Red Hand of Doom. Hmmm…”